An Open Letter 💌

An Open Letter Written by a Survivor who has felt Incredibly Isolated for Years and Believes Survivors Deserve Better

A survivor of a violent stranger assault wishes to honour both the power of those who speak out publicly and the quiet strength of those who choose a more discreet path. With courage and compassion, they wrote the following open letter…

“Hats off to the women and men who have spoken out about sexual violence.
These amazing people have opened the doors for us at last. They’ve poured their strength into speaking out.

Being exposed and going public isn’t for everyone though. As a survivor of a violent stranger assault, it has been implied by other survivors, time and time again, that we may not be ready yet if we haven’t spoken out. This opinion doesn’t take certain factors into account, one of those factors being that we don’t want to put something so personal about us out there and another being that it may put us at further risk. This difficult decision silences us in public but it doesn’t silence us in all ways.

I discreetly and constantly raise awareness on a one-to-one basis and in private circles. We work like an undercurrent that helps support the changes in this area. The people who have spoken out in public are also supported by the work we do.

After years of my own ‘discreet’ fighting, I want to acknowledge the others who are doing the same.
Encountering kindly offered comments such as ‘look, maybe you’re not ready yet’ and ‘trust me, you’ll get great strength when you eventually speak out’ undervalues our strength. Sometimes we make the conscious decision not to speak out in public. It’s not that we are not ready and it’s not that we are weak.

My perpetrator has been punished so it may be easier for me to remain discreet. I understand that others often have no choice but to speak out to get this kind of justice and that is not always an easy decision. Many people have chosen not to go public but do great work on the ground. Our strength is limited due to not having a public voice, but this shouldn’t stop us as we each bring our own type of strength. I am training in an area where I can help survivors. I also spread the word on the ground helping to prevent some of these crimes from occurring and I constantly raise awareness of these issues.

This open letter is one of my ways of reaching out to other survivors. Beyond Surviving has made this possible and huge credit is due to its founder. Our voice is beginning to emerge due to how these survivors have used their strengths and their voices to enable this to happen.

My biggest fight over the years was reaching survivors of violent stranger assault. I believe, as survivors, we suffer different types of triggers, fears and obstacles. A survivor of stranger rape will suffer different issues to a survivor who was raped by someone known to them or to that of a survivor of childhood sexual abuse or a survivor of domestic sexual violence etc. Of course, it is all sexual violence but there are some differences between groups that another group won’t understand.

My mission is to ensure that a group of survivors of stranger violent assault get to connect with their own group. Very few of these survivors have spoken out publicly. I have been screaming into a void looking for this option for years and this is where my discreet voice encounters obstacles. My voice may be restricted by silence, but it is still a voice. It may be weak, but it is my strength. This open letter may only reach a minority but if someone else feels the same, please reach out to Beyond Surviving and request meeting other survivors of stranger rape or their own particular group. The void could become a place of sanctuary, warmth and connection with your help.

I always think of the victims of violent stranger assault who didn’t make it and want to honour them. Please take a minute to think about them and vow that as survivors of all types of sexual violence and abuse that we help each other go forward with our own individual types of strength. Candle lit.”